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Decoding Attachment Styles

Decoding Attachment Styles

Annalisa Bahadur

EducationHealth & Fitness

Why you keep picking the same fights. Why you feel so needy or so smothered. Let's talk about why your relationships play out the way they do, and what you can actually do about it. I’m your host, Annalisa Bahadur. I have a psychology degree, I’m a coach, and most importantly, I’ve been in the trenches. I used to have major anxious attachment. I know what it's like to feel that constant anxiety, to need reassurance, to feel like the relationship is always on the brink of collapse. But I did the work to move toward secure. And I’m now almost five years into a happy, stable relationship with a recovering avoidant. I’m not talking theory from a textbook. I’m talking about what actually worked for me and my clients. This podcast is about attachment theory, stripped down to the basics. No fluff, no fancy language. Just straight talk about how your early wiring affects your adult relationships. In each episode, we break down the four attachment styles - Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant. We'll look at how they show up in your dating life, your friendships, and even at work. You'll hear real stories and get practical steps you can use right now. We focus on two main tools: empathy and boundaries. Empathy to understand why you and the people you love act the way they do. Boundaries to protect your own energy and stop cycles of drama and hurt. This isn't about blaming your parents or your exes. It's about giving you a roadmap to better relationships. You'll learn how to identify your patterns, communicate what you really need, and build connections that feel solid, not stressful. If you're tired of the same old problems and you're ready for real change, you're in the right place. Bonus- every Thursday you'll have a chance to listen in on real people as they share their struggles as I coach them through their challenges. Each individual has agreed to have these session recorded using a pseudonym, and aired for your benefit.

Episodes

How Secure Attached Breakup with Avoidant

How Secure Attached Breakup with Avoidant

Secure attached people don't beg or chase when an avoidant wants to breakup. They also know when to call it quits...and in this episode - that is what we are discussing. We will discuss... - a secure attached timeline to a deciding a breakup, - how they communicate breaking up - what they heal during breakup - how they respond when avoidant circles back 🚶🏻‍♂️‍➡️Follow me on instagram for more insights into attachment styles. 🔁 Share with someone who needs to hear this. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
26min•Mar 15, 2026
What Avoidant Do During And After Breakups

What Avoidant Do During And After Breakups

They act like they are over you the moment you breakup and that is crushing. But is that what they really feel? There are lot of "experts" on what avoidant attached person feel during breakups. I have on average 70 avoidant attached people on speed dial and I am sharing what they all say they go through during breakups. It's astounding how they all have the same breakup story. Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on this podcast. Much love, Annalisa I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
31min•Feb 18, 2026
What to Look For In The First 90 Days Of Dating

What to Look For In The First 90 Days Of Dating

I wish someone had told me this when I first started dating. I made so many mistakes that landed me in some questionable relationships. The tips I share here has helped me choose a partner I enjoy life with. I'm breaking down the red flags to look out for, the green ones to pay attention to, the pace to move at so you don't end up with someone who blindsides you. This would help if you've been dating someone for a while or if you're now getting into the dating work. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
1h 20min•Feb 2, 2026
Long Distance Romance With Avoidant Attached

Long Distance Romance With Avoidant Attached

What happens when you've been in a long distance romance with an avoidant attached person and it feels intense even if you've just met a handful of times? You want answers... What is happening here? Can this be anything more? Why do they ghost me and return? As Sarah shares her stories, we try to find her answers that would soothe her troubles heart. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
57min•Jan 29, 2026
How To Move On After Being Blindsided - Pre-recorded Session

How To Move On After Being Blindsided - Pre-recorded Session

What happens when you have been friends for what seems like forever - you lose each other and find each other and in your older years decide to date but then to be blindsided by the avoidants pull away??? Sarah shares her journey through friendship to falling in love with her friend and then the heartbreaking pulling away that started a journey into examining her anxious attachment style and healing. This is for you if you've ever been confused about your relationship going great and then suddenly coming to a halt. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
1h 4min•Jan 23, 2026
Breaking the Protest-Withdrawal Cycle Between Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic

Breaking the Protest-Withdrawal Cycle Between Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic

Social media will tell you that anxious-avoidant relationships are doomed. That avoidants are narcissists. That anxious people are just codependent. I'm here to tell you that's oversimplified BS that keeps people stuck. In this episode, I'm breaking down the anxious-avoidant dynamic with the nuance it actually deserves. After healing my own anxious attachment and being in a relationship with someone who's fearful-avoidant and has been actively working in therapy for over three years, I've learned that this isn't about finding a villain - it's about two nervous systems trying to feel safe in completely different ways. We're covering: The protest-withdrawal cycle: what it actually looks like and why it happens 4 damaging myths social media spreads about this dynamic (and why they're wrong) What secure attachment would actually do in these moments - not as theory, but as a real, usable framework How to hold both empathy AND boundaries at the same time The real questions to ask yourself if you're in this cycle right now Why "just stop chasing" and "just communicate better" aren't solutions -they're oversimplifications This episode doesn't tell you to leave or stay. It gives you the tools to make that decision from a grounded, informed place. Because you deserve relationships that feel secure, and you're capable of creating that - but only if you're willing to do your own work. Whether you're anxious, avoidant, or watching this pattern play out in your relationship, this one's for you. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
51min•Jan 19, 2026
What To Do When A Partner Breaks-Up With You

What To Do When A Partner Breaks-Up With You

Annalisa answers followers questions. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
20min•Jan 16, 2026
Why Boundaries Work For Short Periods With Avoidants And How To Sustain them. Pre-recorded Session

Why Boundaries Work For Short Periods With Avoidants And How To Sustain them. Pre-recorded Session

What happens when someone who is working on their attachment style meets with an avoidant attached style person who may not be working on their healing - they set boundaries. How does that work out? Listen to this podcast as Sarah explains the hot and too heavy too soon dynamics of her relationship, setting boundaries and what happened next. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
1h 2min•Jan 15, 2026
"My Ex Moved On Like I Never Existed." Let's talk about it...

"My Ex Moved On Like I Never Existed." Let's talk about it...

You probably went through a breakup and was left wondering how your ex could appear like you never existed. This episode helps you to appreciate and understand what might be going on in the mind of your avoidant attached ex just after breakup - in case you're wondering - how can they move on as quickly, how can the stay away from texting you, how can they date so soon... And please don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. It sure helps this episode get to others who need it. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
29min•Jan 5, 2026
Avoidants Discard People When They Get Too Close

Avoidants Discard People When They Get Too Close

Let's unpack one of social media's most pervasive attachment theory takes: the idea that avoidants coldly "discard" people the moment intimacy develops. But what if this narrative is not only oversimplified - it's actively harmful? In this episode, we explore how reducing complex human behavior to viral soundbites can pathologize normal relationship struggles, create self-fulfilling prophecies, and prevent the very understanding that leads to secure relationships. Whether you identify as avoidant, have loved someone who does, or you're just tired of armchair psychology taking over your feed, this episode will challenge what you think you know about attachment styles. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
18min•Dec 29, 2025
"Why Was He Chasing Me, Then Suddenly Pulled Away?" - Pre-recorded Session

"Why Was He Chasing Me, Then Suddenly Pulled Away?" - Pre-recorded Session

An avoidant shares her confusion at being heavily pursued by a man she didn't know, only to start appreciating the attention before he started to pull away. In this episode we discuss why avoidants are careful when entering new relationships, how they process relationships that just ended and what signs they are looking for as they enter into a new relationship. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
1h 10min•Dec 26, 2025
Healing and Understanding Avoidant Attachment

Healing and Understanding Avoidant Attachment

One of the most sought after answers in our time right now is how to manage a relationship with an Avoidant Attached person and, what is really going on in their minds. This episode helps an Avoidant Attached person understand themselves better, as well as starter healing journey. It also helps those who are interested in understanding and appreciating their avoidant attached friends and partner better. Drop a comment and let me know how this particular episode changed your perspective. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
29min•Dec 22, 2025
FA Came In Strong and Started To Back- Peddle - Prerecorded Session

FA Came In Strong and Started To Back- Peddle - Prerecorded Session

Many anxious and secure attached persons have dated avoidant attached persons who seemed really ready for a long term committed relationships until.... things got heavy. Many were left confused at their behaviours as some avoidant back-peddled, withdrew, seem to gaslight or altogether ghosted. In this episode, one of my guests shares her distress in trying to navigate her relationships as she tries to learn about her ex's behaviours, and her own. Give this a listen if you want to feel seen and validated while gaining some insights into the mind (and actions) of an avoidant attached person. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
1h 2min•Dec 11, 2025
How To Hold Avoidants Accountable

How To Hold Avoidants Accountable

Many of us believe that holding an avoidant accountable means talking to them like they are an idiot and we are their parent. How many of us liked it when our parents, or anyone in authority held us accountable? No one! We revelled and worse, you ignore and avoided as much as we could. Yes- my anxious attached friends. Even you did that. Most people are online telling us that we need to hold avoidant attached persons accountable and that is true. However, what we think is "holding them accountable" is actually coming across to them as "control." Let's sort out this messy issue but highlight what we think is an ultimatum, what the avoidant hears and how we can do "accountability" right. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
23min•Dec 8, 2025
Physical Intimacy After Breakup But They Still Work Together- Prerecorded Session

Physical Intimacy After Breakup But They Still Work Together- Prerecorded Session

At first, he was open to communicating about their needs. He seemed keen on trying to be better. They were great together - both feeling safe to be vulnerable for the first time, then something changed. He started to feel pressured and needed space. She gave him that space only to have a conversation later that confused her. Join me as I discussed with Sarah what are some of the red flags she might be missing right now and how she can navigate working with someone she is no longer in a relationship with but also hopes to get back together with...someday. What does she need to do differently should they get back together. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
1h 9min•Dec 4, 2025
Why Holidays Are Overwhelming for Avoidants and What to Do

Why Holidays Are Overwhelming for Avoidants and What to Do

Ever feels like your avoidant partner never wants to do anything during the holidays? Avoidant attached persons can have a love/hate relationship with holidays and it had everything to do with their attachment styles. As an anxious attached partner, you probably love the holidays - getting the perfect presents, planning get-togethers and meals, involving your partner in everything... While on the other hand, your avoidant partner wants to do anything (crawl on a hole) but be a part of what they see as too much. This episodes dives into why the avoidant attached partner wants to hide from the holidays, your friends and most of their own people. We share five things avoidant attached persons don't want during the holidays and what you can do to help them feel more relaxed - and get them involved. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
33min•Nov 24, 2025
Stuck in a Situationship? How Your Attachment Style Makes Breakups So Hard

Stuck in a Situationship? How Your Attachment Style Makes Breakups So Hard

She thought everything was fine. Then, he dropped a bombshell/ “I'm not sure I'm in love with you anymore.” Trying to be understanding, she gave him an easy out. She said, “It's okay if we need to break up.” But he wouldn't take it. He was confused. He wanted to keep trying. And just like that, they were trapped in a exhausting cycle of push-and-pull-a classic anxious-avoidant trap- until he finally ended it for good. Now, she's left heartbroken and overthinking everything. She's asking all the classic questions: How do I get over a breakup when I still have feelings? What does it mean when he says he loves me but isn't in love with me? Why do I keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners? Is there any chance of getting back together? If this story hits home, you're not alone. These painful patterns often point directly to our attachment styles. In this recorded session, we sit down with Sarah to understand her anxious attachment style and how it showed up in her relationship. We'll break down- The hidden signs of an anxious attachment style. How fear of abandonment can accidentally sabotage your love life. Practical steps for healing a broken heart and creating secure attachment. How to stop the cycle of on-again, off-again relationships and learn how to move forward for good. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
1h 0min•Nov 20, 2025
3 Steps to Winning an Avoidant Ex Back

3 Steps to Winning an Avoidant Ex Back

Is your heart aching for an avoidant ex? This episode is your essential guide to navigating this incredibly painful and confusing situation. We cut through the generic advice to give you an attachment-based framework for what to do next. In this episode, you will learn- The Avoidant Mindset - What is really going on in their head post-breakup? (It's not what you think). The Power of Secure Energy - How to become the one thing an avoidant is subconsciously drawn to. Strategic Communication - What to text (and what NEVER to text) to reopen the door without scaring them off. The Foundation of All Reconciliation - Why your personal healing is the non-negotiable first step to getting them back. If you're ready to trade your anxiety for a clear, empowered plan, this episode is for you. Subscribe and listen now! I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
23min•Nov 17, 2025
Into the Mind of An Avoidant - Prerecorded Session

Into the Mind of An Avoidant - Prerecorded Session

Today we dive into the mind of an avoidant- - what makes them shut down? - what are the thinking when they shut down? - what are the feeling when they have the urge to run away or shut down? - why do they walk away? And what you and your partner can do to save your relationship. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
53min•Nov 6, 2025
How To Respond To Avoidants

How To Respond To Avoidants

You’re doing “the talk wrong and I’ll help you fix it. First, think - an avoidant brain is not a secure brain. You can’t talk to it like it’s an emotionally healthy brain. We think we have to soft talk an avoidant but they are really looking at you thinking - “ I got this exactly where I want it.” I spoke kindly and softy for decades and that got me nothing but breadcrumbs and disrespect. ps: these tips are only for the emotionally immature. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
19min•Oct 28, 2025
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