124. From Totaling My Car to Total Gratitude

I was born a sugar addict, sneaking food as a child and using it to cope with my feelings. Moving constantly – twelve cities in eight years – made food my only reliable companion. In college, far from home, I'd cycle through dieting and binging, filled with shame but unable to stop. After many years of failed attempts at recovery, the binges escalated. They grew bigger, lasted longer, and became more dangerous. One night, I totaled my car while rummaging through a snack bag and rear-ended the car in front of me. As I waited for the police to arrive, all I could think about was my shrinking window of time to secretly binge before my husband came home. Sixteen years ago, I joined Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA); twelve years ago, I finally surrendered. With a strong sponsor who told me the truth with love, I followed direction for the first time. That decision changed everything. Today, the mind that was once noisy and negative is quiet and grateful. I go through each day without food cravings, I've stopped nitpicking, and my marriage has improved dramatically. My greatest gift is waking up each morning with the promise of another day of recovery.