Drought, depression and asking for help—how an Outback farmer found peace in the ocean

For years, Brendan Cullen was known around Broken Hill as the happy man who ran thousands of ewes across tens of thousands of hectares with a smile. What they didn't see was the guy crying in a room by himself, drinking himself stupid, thinking he wasn’t providing enough for his family. Brendan calls himself a ‘glorified shepherd’. He manages a sheep station outside Broken Hill, a part of the country he loves and knows like the back of his hand. But Brendan also has another moniker: ‘the desert swimmer’. A few years ago, he was floored by a cruel bout of depression, the core of which he later understood came from an experience of childhood sexual abuse that he never spoke about. While recovering, Brendan decided to try to swim the English Channel. As his swim coach Mike ‘the Tractor’ told him: swimming the channel is straightforward – you get in the water at Dover and keep swimming until you hit something, and that something is France. The swim is just one of the tools in his 'toolkit' that he uses to stay mentally well and present with his family, and his flock. Desert Swimmer is written with Paul Mitchell and published by Allen & Unwin. Content warning: this episode of Conversations contains discussion of childhood sexual abuse. Help and support is always available. You can call or text Lifeline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This episode of Conversations was produced by Meggie Morris. Executive Producer is Nicola Harrison. It explores rural, remote Australia, men's mental health, mental wellbeing, mental fitness, exercise for mental health, farming, boarding school, childhood sexual abuse, children who abuse other children, fatherhood, access to education, how to ask for help, mental illness, long distance swimming, ocean swimming, farming, sheep, livestock, Menindee, farming families, succession plans, generational farming, family business. To binge even more great episodes of the Conversations podcast with Richard Fidler and Sarah Kanowski go the ABC listen app (Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts. There you’ll find hundreds of the best thought-provoking interviews with authors, writers, artists, politicians, psychologists, musicians, and celebrities.