In this episode, I sit down with sex therapist Vanessa and her husband Xander (from @vanessaandxander) to talk all things sex, intimacy, and relationships. We dive deep into how our upbringings shape our comfort around sex and why having open conversations around it is so important. Vanessa & Xander break down the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, why mismatched libidos are totally normal, and how pleasure should be at the center of our sex lives. We get real about navigating sex after kids, using toys, and why foreplay doesn’t just start in the bedroom. Vanessa and Xander share practical tips on initiating sex, communicating needs with your partner, and the positions that actually work best. Key Takeaway / Points: What libido mismatch really means (and why it’s normal) The different types of sexual desire (spontaneous vs. responsive) Practical ways to initiate sex and navigate rejection from your partner How couples can reconnect even during “survival mode” as parents The role of toys and romance novels in your sex life Sex beyond intercourse and the importance of focusing on pleasure Why faking orgasms is so common amongst women Vanessa & Xander’s take on scheduled sex and why it can be healthy for couples How foreplay starts in the kitchen Quickie sex questions: favorite positions, time of day, music vs.